A Reason to Stay
by Donutbird
Summary: [One-shot] "I don't know what's real anymore," she cries, tears already threatening to fall. "Maria." He presses her against his chest as his fingers comb lightly through her hair. "Real," he says, but in her heart, she knew she couldn't believe it. At least not now.


**A Reason to Stay**

 **A/N Here's my first one-shot! I'm putting the A/N at the beginning because, well, I want to. There is a cameo of Luke in this but it's nothing related to 'The White Pearls of Destiny.' Hope you enjoy and if you do, maybe I'll do more!**

The first time this happened, there was red everywhere. Her wrists were stained with blood; each drip became the reincarnation of her unshed tears. Her dress was covered in spots and her throat became unbearably dry. _No, no, no, not again._

The scissors were still in her hand, the blades hung slack. Maria immediately dropped them as they landed with a _clang._ She sat there lifelessly as the deafening silence filled her ears. She doesn't know why this happens, how this happens.

Standing up, she rummaged through her drawers until she's found the Moon Pearl's prophecy. She tried to read, hoping to calm her racing heart, but nothing could save her now. Nothing could save her from the tears that tracked down her cheeks.

* * *

The second time this happened, she was on a walk with Wrolf in the forest. Wrolf was sniffing everything he could find and that left Maria with her thoughts. Everything passed by in a blur. It was a breath of fresh air at first that dramatically changed to the bleeding knuckles of Maria.

She ruthlessly kept punching a tree.

Her eyes were glazed over in a daze and her consciousness was blurred in confusion.

It was Wrolf who leaped onto Maria, keeping her from harming herself anymore. Her body pounded on the forest floor as she immediately hugged Wrolf. She doesn't know what to do anymore. She can't control herself.

"Maria Merryweather?"

Maria whipped her head, her brown eyes expressionless as she meets a young De Noir's worried gaze. The girl hurriedly sits up and tries to hide her knuckles from scrutiny.

"Are…are you okay, Miss?" He asks, apprehension creasing thick on his brow. Maria remembered he locked her up in a cell when she first snuck into the De Noir mansion.

Maria nodded. "Oh, I'm fine. I was just on a light stroll with Wrolf," she said as she used her head to gesture at the dog/lion. She can't remember his name even though he told her once.

A distant sound of thunder clapped as a small drizzle began pouring down. Maria mentally scolded herself; she should have seen the clouds coming.

Luke glanced at the sky before looking at her again. "Come, the De Noir manor is closer. I don't think Sir Benjamin will have any issue with staying with us. After all, all was already solved."

Maria weakly grinned _._ "Alright. Lead the way quickly before lightning strikes us…?"

A snort. "Luke. Have you forgotten my name already?" he asked teasingly.

How could she have forgotten? "I'm sorry, I'm just exhausted." She said while going red.

Luke nodded in understanding. It _was_ only two days after the cliff scenario.

Motioning for her to follow him, both of them trekked their way up onto the De Noir property. _Maybe I am going crazy,_ she thought. But she won't get help because she's just too tired.

* * *

The third time it happened, reality flooded her in the form of a tired boyish voice. "Are you aware of what time it is, Princess?"

Robin De Noir stood in front of her, eyes bloodshot. She saw a few candles burning behind him as the faint flickers of light cast shadows on the pile of books on his bedside table.

How? Where? Why? Maria couldn't remember anything after she entered the De Noir property. She, now, was standing in front of Robin De Noir, who was in his nightwear and seemed irritated nonetheless. He was aware of her arrival this afternoon but no word where spoken between them until now.

"It's late," she muttered, her reply so vague and so off topic. Never has she avoided questions, a fact they're both well aware of.

"Do you…do you need something?" he asked whilst frowning. He wasn't really annoyed; more concerned.

"No…" she immediately replied. "I was just passing by—

"You were knocking on my door for two minutes."

She tugged at the sleeve of her nightgown unaware that Robin caught a glimpse of her scarred knuckles. He didn't say anything; assumptions are only meant to be kept to oneself until there is further proof.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" she trailed off, catching herself before she can stoke his curiosity. Curiosity will only lead to questions that she can't answer, to questions that will scare her.

She abruptly curtsied. "Good night, Robin," she said before leaving him standing at his door without another word.

She didn't hear the door click before she turned the corner of the long corridor.

* * *

The fourth time this happened she feels the ground pound against her palms. There is no grace or dignity in her landing, just the jarring sense of pain that shot through her knees and wrists. She winced as her hair falls, a curtain protecting her from any judgmental stares.

She stared down, replaying everything that happened. She was walking normally, the rain had finally stopped and the sun was shining behind the layers of clouds. Her mind grew fuzzy as a flashback of _that_ night. The night when she jumped off the cliff. The night she couldn't believe she survived.

When her mind became muddled, her legs gave out and she fell. A maid quickly came to her aid and helped her up. Maria couldn't hear anything she was saying. Only the words _doctor, help,_ and _now_ could be heard.

The maid wrapped an arm around her shoulder as Maria walked back to her room and a doctor was called for immediately. Luckily, there were several doctors in the De Noir property since there were so many people. The De Noir property was like a little town.

The doctor questioned her about her thoughts, physical activity, and her bloodied wrists and knuckles. Maria couldn't look anyone in the eye when she told him all her symptoms. Her awakening and unconsciousness to her scars, and her flashbacks about the leap of death. She was embarrassed and ashamed.

"It isn't uncommon, Maria," the doctor told her gently. "Sleep disorders are often a symptom of PTSD. They usually manifest into nightmares and flashbacks."

Maria pressed her lips into a thin line. "You're saying I have PTSD but why do you think so? Maybe I'm just unbelievably tired."

The doctor gave a half-hearted chuckle, though it was more of a weary one than a humorous one. "Maria." His voice is cautious like trying to speak to a child: trying to be gentle but trying to explain something vital. "You came into Moonacre and saved two families from basically committing homicide. You carried the burden of being Moon Princess by trying to find the Moon Pearls, a priceless jewel that no one could find. You even jumped off a cliff to save everyone even though you knew the De Noirs wanted to kill you."

Maria dropped her head and heaved a quiet sigh. After a few seconds, she raised her head. "When will it stop?" she murmurs.

"In time. For now, I'll give you some medicine to calm your nerves at nights as well as some mental relaxation exercises to practice before you go to bed. Since there is no doctor at Merryweather Manor, I believe it is safer for you to stay at the De Noir estate until you become more stable. We'll lock you in at night, only to be safe," he softly informed.

 _Like a prisoner._

But it's for the best. She has to learn to control herself or else she might do something she regrets. The doctor gave her a reassuring smile as she contemplated.

"Alright…if you think it's for the best."

* * *

Nightmares and dreams always were so close to one another. If one jumped from one side to another, one ends up in complete different ends of the spectrum. She especially loved the dreams that transform her into a bird. She is ethereal and dauntless, an incandescent blur as she chased the sun what is known as home. But the hands that grab her are able to break her winds as they yanked her backward and down, down, _down…_

"Stop!"

Maria's eyes flew open in terror as Robin jerked her back from the edge of the roof. _She can't fly, she can't fly._ Taking in her surroundings, she trembled in Robin's arms. Her breath came in short gasps as the wind cools her cheeks and stings her face. "How…how did I…what was I….?"

She is standing on the roof, the night sky hanging around her and Robin. His arms are caging around her like if he lets go, she will jump again—only this time, she won't survive. She dressed in her nightclothes with no shoes on. _Things are getting worse; I'm not okay, I'm not okay._

"I don't know what's real anymore," she cried, tears already threatening to fall.

"Maria." He pressed her against his chest as his fingers comb lightly through her hair. "Real," he says, but in her heart, she knew she couldn't believe it. At least not now.

"How long have you known?"

"Since you went to the doctors, though I had my suspicions before that," he said. "I saw your bloodies knuckles and already knew something wasn't in place."

Maria suddenly saw a flicker of something pass by Robin's eyes but it immediately disappeared. "I don't know what to do," she muttered as she's unraveling. "The guards lock my door every night but I always find a way to get out. I'm afraid…I'm afraid that I won't be able to control myself. I'm haunted by the memories, the burdens, the stress. I can't sleep, stay stable, I don't know _what_ to do."

"I do," he said as he unwrapped his arms from her. She's afraid the feeling of warmth is gone until he nudged her. "You'll stay with me."

* * *

She wrapped herself in Robin's duvet. She knows this is highly improper, that if someone found them, hell would set loose, but she doesn't care. She's too emotionally and mentally drained to think anymore.

Her breathing becomes paced and her eyelids grew heavy. The last thing she saw is Robin folding up his jacket and setting it next to an assortment of candles and books.

To Maria, it filled a space that a picture would.

* * *

There's blood on his cheek and it's her doing. Sure enough, when she looked down at her fingernails, they're stained with red.

Robin quickly wiped it away. "It's nothing."

But it is something. It's a mark left from Maria to prove her guilt. She shrunk away, hiding away her hands. "I can't keep staying here; I'm hurting you in the process," she ruefully stated while looking at him.

"Nonsense, five nights. Five nights you haven't got past the door. What makes you think you'll have any more luck now?"

"Are you saying I'm not free to leave?" She asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Not till I'm sure you safe in bed and away from high buildings."

She tried to crawl out of bed but Robin grabbed hold of her almost-healed wrists. "I mean it, Maria."

She tried to wriggle out of his grip. "So do I. Attacking you in my sleep isn't okay with me."

"Stay here," Robin said as he got up and fished through his dresser. "I have an idea."

* * *

He puts the finishing touches to his knot and steps back to admire his handiwork. "Go on," he urged. "Test it."

Using his honed skills of hunting, Robin was able to tie a stray piece of fabric to the back poles of his bed. Then, he attached the fabric around Maria's wrist. He didn't tie them too tight so that she might be able to move around comfortably.

Maria tried to pull away, to untie it, but no prevail. "If you can't untie it while you're awake, I don't think you'll be able to untie it asleep. One of the perks of being a hunter." He looked at her. "Happy now?"

She nodded as she climbed into bed. She is quiet for a long time before she turned over to him. Glancing at him, she shyly grinned. Before Maria drifted off into slumber, she whispered, "Thank you, Bird Boy."

She did not see the surprise glance he turned her way.

* * *

One night, Maria woke up the feeling of the tie being undone. She sat up and turned to him as he finished loosening the knot.

"What are you doing?"

"You haven't woken in the last three nights and this is chafing your wrists."

The moonlight gleamed past the curtain and she looked at her wrists. They were red and had bits of skin slightly bruised. "They don't hurt."

Robin undid the other end of the tie from the bedpost. Setting on across his desk chair, he gazed at her. "It's here if you need it."

Maria hesitantly nodded while observing him. Bags of exhaustion rested under his eyes and a few strands of curls stuck out. The cheek that she left was almost healed, leaving a very small scar. Maria knows she did not inflict all of that on him, but he spent so much time watching over her that he hasn't been taking care of himself.

"I'm glad I don't need the tie anymore but I…" she lowered her gaze. "It was reassuring to have something keeping me grounded. It would be comforting to have that." She paused. "Maybe you could…if you don't mind…" She doesn't have to finish.

Robin blew out the last candle before slipping under the duvet. His arms instantly go around her only after the briefest hesitation. He drew her close to his chest until she can feel the steady beat of his heart. It granted the sense of security that he's right next to her.

 _Safe_ , she thought as she closed her eyes.

* * *

They never use the tie after that.

Sometimes, Maria will wake up with her cradled underneath her chin or sometimes her arms are around him and she's nuzzling his back. She's afraid she might be overstepping any boundaries even though they've overstepped every boundary in the book, but instead, he laces his fingers through hers and keep their intertwined fingers near his chest.

Maria wondered if he does it to make sure she can't pull away or because he needs her there. Either way, she decides it doesn't matter.

"I don't think you need to stay here anymore," Robin said one night as she shows up at his door per usual. They have been doing this routine for months. Maria does go back to Moonacre Manor every morning, but at night, she stayed at the De Noir estate.

His words hurt her even though she knows they shouldn't have. She knows this temporary closeness was out of necessity, nothing remotely personal.

"You have been sleeping through the night for a while and the doctor even said you'll be able to go home soon. I don't think it is needed to take such drastic measures anymore."

She shifted from foot to foot, trying to find an appropriate response to the situation.

But there is nothing in his expression that makes it seem like she's wanted there. He stood there, expecting an answer, making Maria second guess every night they've been so tenderly wrapped in each other's arms.

"Well, if you think it'll okay…" she forced herself to say. "Thank you, Robin, for putting up with me. I appreciate it greatly," she said while straightening her spine.

"Anytime, Princess. I'm here if you need me."

 _And I'm here if you want me._ "I know." Maria shot him a forced smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Goodnight, Bird Boy."

She turned away, and by the time she glances over her shoulder, his door is closed.

* * *

It has been less than two hours and she's already knocked on his door. She stood there, waiting, but there is no reply.

Thinking he's fallen asleep, Maria opened the door and cautiously peeks in.

Robin isn't there. His bed is made, his chair is empty, and no candles are burning. Only the faint light of the moon bleeds in between the curtains.

Hesitantly, she entered his room and closed the door. She leaped into his bed and inhaled the faint smell of him. It isn't as good as the original, but it's enough to send her to sleep.

* * *

"Have you been here all night?" A voice whispered into the shell of her ear. Maria slowly turned over and closed her eyes due to the bright sunlight in the room.

She nodded and began to sit up only to have a pair of familiar arms restrain her. "Don't go," he said. "Stay."

"You were the one who told me to."

"I didn't want you to feel obligated. I'm an idiot." He leaned in and nuzzled her cheek and then rested his head on the slope of her shoulder. "Do you know what I've been doing all night?"

"What?"

"Looking for you."

She turned to face him, still wrapped in the cocoon of his arms. She doesn't look him the eyes but rested her hands on his chests. "Why?"

"Same reason you're here," he breathed as he rested his forehead against hers as his lips pressed a faint kiss on it. _Real_ , she thought before she pressed her lips against his.

Static. Electricity. Sparks. Maria didn't know she could feel all these things. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands wrapped around the gentle slope of her waist. Maria smiled into the kiss before she pulled away.

They both stare at each other, their breaths mingling with each other.

"You're awake, right? Not acting out in your sleep."

"I'm awake," Maria smiled.

Robin nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Good," he murmured before holding her like that as they both drift off to sleep.

* * *

A month has passed, and Maria has finally been permitted to go home. Before she leaves, she wanted to wander around the estate one more time. The trees have been changing colors to welcome the season of autumn. She finds Luke in the stables, brushing a pure black horse.

She observed quietly, focusing on his gentle combs of the horse's tangles and the way he lovingly looked at the horse.

"What's her name?"

He half turns to her his eyes softening. "Violet. A rather weird name for a black horse but I didn't name her—Iris did."

Maria remembered spotting a girl walking around with Luke while helping him comb Violet. She always had her hair in a braid and always wore that black cloak wherever she went.

"Do you love her?"

Luke eyes widened at her for a moment before looking back at Violet. He smiled slightly. "Yeah, yeah I do." He turned to look at her. "I didn't care about finding someone, not even a friend for that matter. But I guess things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. It makes everything all worth it now."

Maria felt a wave of emotion rush at her with full force. She stared at him with admiration. "When did you get so wise?"

"I'm no wise, "he snorted. "I'm just not as stupid as I use to be."

She rolled her eyes at him and smiled before she turned and jogged away.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry," he called after her.

She doesn't answer.

* * *

Robin is on a tree branch, gazing around the forest. Maria ran up to him and began climbing the tree branch by branch. He stared at her quizzically as she clumsily met him.

When she reached him, she threw her arms around his neck. "I love you," she whispered and the sensation is so great she said it again. "I love you."

There is a pregnant pause before he tugged at her shoulder, holding her at arm's length. A lazy smile sprawled across his face. "I already know that, Maria."

"You do?"

Robin nodded. "I do. But it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. It can just be words if you want."

"Do you love me?" she asked through her pounding heart.

"You know I do," he replied, eyes soft.

"Good," she stated, and for the first time in a long time, she doesn't have to worry that she'll wander off in her sleep when night comes.

She has a reason to stay.


End file.
